Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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