Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
