she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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