So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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