none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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