woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize