its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
