I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
