dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
