I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
