My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize