If i come over, it means nothing
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
