i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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