dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
