Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
