you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
