this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
