You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
