i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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