i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
