I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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