I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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