I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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