Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
