he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
