You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
