So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
