so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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