I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
