Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
