Jerry, you need to find god
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
