On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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