Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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