We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
BRING THE BAGELS
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
