Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
