when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
