I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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