ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
