We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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