Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
