The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
