Please, let me fuck your mom
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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