Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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