she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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