That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
