So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
