U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
