We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize