i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
