Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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