So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
