i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
if only i could text you this smell
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Randomize
