had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
