i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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