Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
