She went from zero to smokin in five shots
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
