A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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