hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
