3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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