Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
