I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
