Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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