apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
honey bunches of taint.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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