I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
