If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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