How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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