i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
