You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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