You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
