I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Do vagina's smell?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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