this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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