Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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