you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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