OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Randomize
