Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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