dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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