your thong is hanging out like whoa
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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