it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
