i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
