Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
