Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
